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  Rites of Passage Institute

Families Run the World!

3/22/2017

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Today, I'm taking time to introduce one of my greatest resources. Victoria Shakoor of Single Parenting Mastery is the founder of "Stress Free Parenting Mastery" online course where Parents learn the know how and skills to build Trust which fosters Respect, develop a bond which enforces Obedience, create a 
family structure which encourages Cooperation and much more. As Victoria says in her video below, Families Run the World, so use her services as a way to maintain harmony in your family and expand your power as a family! 

In addition, she gives you tips on starting an online business, finance strategies that she's used to help budget for business success, pros & cons of starting a business, marketing, and so much more. So be sure to visit her website and subscribe to her youtube channel.
 
Contact her for your 45 minute discovery session today. 
Schedule your 45 minute sessions here: http://tinyurl.com/zdn4x3u

In her Youtube video below she discusses how Families Run the World:
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Beads, Braids, & Beauty

3/9/2017

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Recently, a post popped up in my newsfeed on Facebook. My friend had shared a post of a European American woman saying, “Black women look like men--there's nothing feminine about them.” Instantly I was thrust into a place in my past.
 
​I was 7 years old. Across the street lived an Euro-American girl (around 7 years of age as well) with long blond hair and rotten teeth named Anna. She often came across the street to play with us. Our house was an epicenter. I had 3 sisters close to my age, plus 2 African American girlfriends who lived next door, and a Cuban-American girlfriend the next house down, and lots of other neighborhood children with whom I played and roamed the neighborhood. Constantly busy in our play, a pack of us children, my big sister in charge, would roam down to the pond, pick fruit, pound rocks to powder, practice dance routines etc. 
​Anna had one brother who was a baby. She was often outside alone. Some days she would walk to the edge of her yard, and shout, “nigger!” at us. Other days, probably when she couldn’t stand the loneliness, she would meander over to our yard and play with us. We loved to dress up and play house or play dolls. 
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​While playing house Anna always cast herself as the wife or mother and she would try to get one of us (or any melanated girl) to play the husband/man or baby. She would say things like, “because your hair is shorter, you play the man.” Or when dressing up in finery, she would suggest that I hold my lips in. When she didn’t get her way, she would resort to pulling or throwing dirt in our hair, but we easily got the best of her. 
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Smeagol/Gollum from Lord of the Rings
​Now, Anna’s behavior didn’t upset us as much as it was just annoying. We tolerated her the way one tolerates a fly. Firstly, my mother spent hours on our hair, braiding, beading, rubbing essential oils into our hair, singing as she worked and whispering secrets into our ears. When finished, we would run to a mirror to admire the finished hairstyle and run outside to show our friends. 
We loved the way our braids swung in the wind and clicked when we jumped double-dutch. Second, our elders always admired us, commenting how we resembled this or that elder, or how so-and-so got the family lips, eyes, or hair. These were features to be coveted. AlhumdilAllah, we had healthy self-esteem and power in numbers. Anna, was Smeagol (Gollum). You felt sorry for her.

One day, we were playing and my mother, who had already been upset about Anna throwing dirt in our hair, overheard Anna growling about our hair being nappy, short, and ugly. We had been arguing when I felt my mother’s shadow and looked up. My sisters and I fell silent, but you could hear Anna going on and on. I saw my mother’s face; her eyes were fierce and her mouth twisted. Mom folded her arms across her chest. I just knew she was about to send Anna home, and have a talk with her mother. “Come on Anna, let me braid your hair,” my mother snapped motioning us into the house.

“Ma’am?!” responded Anna. We were all shocked. What did doing Anna’s hair have to do with this? Why would Mom invite her in when Anna was so mean and nasty?
​
“You want me to braid your hair?” Asked my mother.

​“Yes, yes,” Anna smiled and clapped her hands. We all filed into the house Anna skipping behind us. We followed my mother to the livingroom. Mom sat on the couch with Anna between her legs and plaited her hair into winding cornrows with beads. I had never seen Anna so happy. For the first time, I saw a light in her face. My mother’s wisdom hit me. Anna wasn’t racist any more than our coiled hair, big noses, or lips were ugly! Anna wanted our hair!
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​Occasionally, my mother would braid Anna’s hair, and she became good friends with Anna’s mother. After that day, Anna never called us names or talked bad about our features. We became good friends.
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Since then I have met many Anna’s in school, the workplace, and social media. So to the “white” woman (or anyone feeling inferior) who wants to talk about melanated women being masculine, ugly, loud, etc, I say with the wisdom of my mother, “Sure, I can show you how to be a Queen! I'm not less of a woman because of the crown I wear, and neither are you."
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Photos:
http://trendymods.com/kids-accessories/kids-hairstyles-for-girls-with-beads.php
http://curlsclub.deviantart.com/art/Dont-touch-my-hair-436454688

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Autism in the ER

3/7/2017

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Having a child on the spectrum is challenging enough without human services breathing down your neck. But, did you know that parents of children with autism (or any disability really) are more likely to be accused of child abuse than parents of typically developing children. I know, this is so unfair.

When my son was 5, he was attacked by a dog while playing in our backyard. We rushed him to the emergency room. They said it would be an hour wait before they could see him, so we rushed him to another hospital. They saw us right away, but we had no idea what a storm we were in for. Although we were trapped in that room for 6 hours (which is difficult for a traumatized child with autism) the only treatment my son received was a dab of wet gauze on his wounds.  I was so immersed in helping my son cope, it didn’t raise my suspicions when the doctor said, “I don’t think these are dog bites!”

“What do you think they are then?” I wasn’t being smart, I was seriously asking. But she never answered. I was confused by her questioning. My son had the dogs white fur on him. He kept repeating over and over through tears that the dog bit him.  I didn’t know where she was going with her comments. When they finally let us go, we were just happy to finally get home.

The next day as I was heading out to take my son to the pediatrician for a follow up visit, there was knock at our door. My husband and I looked at each other; we weren’t expecting anyone. Social services had arrived to investigate. Investigate what? The next couple of days would be humiliating and challenging. They were investigating child abuse. How did we get here?
Little did I know that parents are more likely to be accused of child abuse with a child who has autism because children on the spectrum:
  1. may not be verbal
  2. even if they are verbal, they are less likely to pay attention or talk to a stranger
  3. they may have self-injurious behavior (hitting self, peeling skin back, etc), which result in bruising, sores, etc
  4. they tend to get over-stimulated or
  5. what you have to do or how you have to talk to redirect them may look/sound abusive
So here’s an extra thing parents of special needs children need to consider (as if constant therapy appointments, IEP meetings, food allergies, alienation, etc are not enough). The physical, emotional and financial demands of caring for a child with a disability can be overwhelming. Hopefully, emergency/urgent care services and doctors can create more friendly environments and policies for children with special needs who need urgent care. Especially when it comes to sensory sensitivities and communication. Parents of children with special needs, be cautious where you go should your little angel incur an injury because poor medical treatment and a brush with human services can harm your child even more. They may be doctors, but most doctors in ER have no idea how to approach a child who has autism or the family dynamic. In the doctors’ defense, they are stressed too, but the child should not have to suffer additional trauma for their ignorance.

As for my family, how did we fair in the end? Although the ER called human services on us, in the end they said they had no record of ever seeing my son. Of course, we had our paperwork ready and a strong support network.

Here's a similar article for further reading:
Improving Emergency Care for Children with Autism
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Autism, Spiritually Gifted?

3/1/2017

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So I was reading this story about Rumi, when he was in the market, the pounding sounds of all the tools become so overwhelming for him, that he began to whirl... and that's when whirling dervishes (Sema Ceremony) began. Now, what if Rumi got a sensory overload and started stimming (whirling) as a way to cope? Now, for Sufis Sema/Whirling is a way to reach ecstasy (wadj). Whirling is a way to become one with God, the universe, nature...So if children on the spectrum spin as a way to cope, whose to say that is not their way of connecting with the world, universe, God...we may all purchase weighted robes and whirl with my son! ​

Our family sees autism through many lenses and one of those is spiritual. This is easy to do because of the indigenous traditions we as a family follow. But this is very difficult to explain in a society that sees autism strictly as something to fix. Our son was injured by vaccination. While this is a crime against humanity, it has not stopped me from appreciating my son. That injury has given him challenges and gifts. For example my son repeats phrases a lot and he tries to make me repeat after him a lot (which is really annoying), but he has the ability to hyperfocus on things (which can also be very annoying). If you want to know about turtles, he can tell you everything about turtles! This is why I don't call him disabled. I focus on his abilities. He is capable of a lot more than he is not capable of. And for what he is not capable of, well, everyone has challenges! And we work hard to overcome those challenges everyday, but we also work hard to protect and encourage his gifts.

Here is an article and a few snippets from it that discusses mental illness & spiritually:


Rethinking Mental Illness: Are We Drugging Our Prophets and Healers?http://www.vironika.org/drugging-prophets-healers/

In his (the Shaman's) village, the symptoms we commit people for, Dr. Somé’s village recognizes as marks of a healer. They honour, respect, and nourish the very same patterns that we condemn, isolate, and drug.

We’re weeding out our geniuses. We’re killing off our prophets. We’re drugging our messiahs.
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